Mother of Two

I CAN!!!! 

I will never forget this poem I read years ago in a college poetry class...actually, I did kind of forget. I don't remember the name of the poem at all. But I do remember an extremely long run on sentence -  no spaces or punctuation. It went something like cookingcleaningmoppingwashingclothessweepingshopping...something like that!

As I reminisce on this, I can't help but think, THAT IS MOTHERHOOD! Non-stop seemingly without a moment to breath.

 

I am the proud mother of two young boys: a two year old and an almost six month old. Life is full of adventure and love, but things are sometimes challenging. If you know, you know!

Yesterday was pretty rough, like many days. In my house, things are often go go go! Diaper changes and pumping in the middle of the night; feeding, bathing, diaper changing, playing, reading, learning activities, cooking,  sooooo much more right from the moment I wake up in the morning. Scheduling is hard because tots are so unpredictable. As soon as I put one down for a nap, you can bet the other one will be waking up. Don't get me started on how many times a child goes "number two" just seconds after getting his diaper changed. And of course, there's pumping all throughout the day every two to three hours. I often feel like I'm not doing a good job. Like I'm actually doing a disservice, not doing enough. Not enough activities, enough sunlight, enough cleaning, enough variety of foods, enough attention. Since I'm a stay-at-home mother, I feel like I'm responsible for everything so when something falls short, (I forgot to brush your teeth, I forgot your snack, I forgot to read you a book today, I forgot when to introduce solids) it's all my fault. And I feel like they know, like they're mad at me for not giving them enough. My oldest was in daycare when I worked, so I feel like my youngest is missing a lot, like he's behind because he didn't have the experience of learning things like his brother. And I'm tired! I'm tired all the time. ALL THE TIME. It's like I never bounced back from pregnancy. I can't find my groove. Many times I'll say,  "I'm sorry guys, we'll do better tomorrow. I promise". And then nothing changes. 

It's easy to be completely overtaken by stress, guilt, and exhaustion. It's easy to go into self-defeat mode. No, raising two littles is not easy but God granted me the blessing, therefore I'm capable. The thing is, I know it's a blessing. I'm beyond grateful. I love my children. I love being a mom. That doesn't negate the difficulty. I'm working on keeping a level head (accepting what went wrong without losing it, and focusing on the positives). What did go right today? What's one thing you can add tomorrow to work towards your goal? What made you smile?

Self-care is also important. Days can come to an end where all the time has been spent "doing" for everybody else; no time for me and my stuff. Then I feel guilty for thinking that way. But it's not selfish to want to take care of yourself or want to do something for you. You can't lose yourself. Remember before you were wife or mom, you were you! That person is still alive, and needs to be whole and healthy in order to show up for others. 

Perhaps joining a mommy group, even if it's a friend that you can text or call. Remembering that you have a friend can help. It'll even remind you that you're not alone. Talk out your feelings; to your friend, to your husband, to a therapist, journal, scream, pray. And for goodness sake, stop talking bad about yourself. Something goes wrong and we say, "ugh I'm such a terrible mom." Don't speak that. Mommy you got this! You are not alone. You will get overwhelmed and sad. Take a moment to feel it. But don't stay there because you are doing an amazing job!